Conducted by Dan Condon for Time Off Media. (This is the unexpurgated version.)
1. What was the fundamental reason for forming The Thin Kids?
Everett: "We were shocked and disgusted at Australia's new-found status as the most obese nation in the world. We felt it was time someone took a stand against it. Us, in fact. Plus, we're well aware that Arts QLD has been trying to promote Brisbane as the new cultural centre of Australia, and felt that there was no possible way this could happen without some of the city's leading creative lights taking a more proactive, participatory role. We're generous that way. Also, we miss the thrill of casual sex that rock stardom inevitably brings."
Ed: "True and I have also been on a hardcore milkshake diet to try to loose weight. We exercise once a week before rehearsals. True has lost 5kg and I've put on 5kg. True didn't explain that I was supposed to drink special diet milkshakes. I formed the band with True to help my music career. Since we've teamed up, my music has appeared on a host of file-sharing sites marked 'LOLROTG – check out this Robert smith loosers music Everett True 4eva' posted by JohnstonCobain'."
Maggie: "I decided that I didn't have enough to do in my life."
2. With a lengthy story about your formation that seems to stretch the truth, a tagline on your MySpace that says "We are better than you!" and some decidedly lo-fi recordings – are you actively looking to attract backlash?
Everett: "My apologies for that tag-line. I hope no one has taken offence at it: it was an in-joke that got out of hand. It was actually me telling Guglielmino 'I’m better than you' when we were arguing over who should be lead vocalist. (As I'm rock royalty, I always refer to myself in the plural.) He sings like a strangulated cross between Robert Smith and Peter Gabriel with a back ache. I don't. I rest my case. As to the charge of lo-fi: was Elvis called lo-fi because he recorded on two tracks? The Beatles because they used four? We use state-of-the-art technology: it's not our fault that the rest of the world hasn't yet caught up with us."
Ed: "I let True sing after he locked himself in the bathroom and said he wasn't coming out until we let him sing. As for who is the better singer out of the two of us. You be the judge."
Maggie: "I don't know about the other guys but I've always wanted to be in a fist fight. I wouldn't say we're actively looking for backlash but, hey, if something comes along, I'm ready."
3. How has the response been to the group so far?
Everett: "Varied and suggestive, from 'an in-joke that shouldn't have been let out', to 'Mr True should stick to his writing', to 'fuck off, you Thin Kids cunt' (spoken in person to Guglielmino in Starbucks). We are not dissuaded from our goal of enriching the masses' grey and humdrum existence. We are fully aware of the green-eyed devil called jealousy."
Ed: "The Starbucks thing was interesting because behind the skater kid who heckled me was a Twitter follower of mine. She Twittered to me that she saw the whole thing but I didn't check my Twitter account till after I’d left. My manager Ben told me if I don’'t quit the band soon he's going to stop managing me. He said that True is damaging my career in a way that can not be reversed."
Maggie: "We have a silent member in the band called Dougie. He's contributed to the engineering of the recordings and he starred in our first film clip. His fanbase on facebook is at 70 members and climbing, so yeah, I'd say the response is going well."
4. Where do you find you draw the majority of your musical and lyrical influence from?
Everett: "The streets and supermarkets and weather conditions and nightclubs and street press writers of Brisbane, a city rich in cultural inspiration and appreciation. Personally, I find the golden carrot of public humiliation a motivator in itself: ever since my star quit shining as a critic, I miss the routine scorn and approbation heaped upon me daily by talentless musicians."
Ed: "True likes to pretend he writes the lyrics down, but really after two green teas he starts ranting and raving and I just hit record and try to play along!"
Maggie: "Trial and Error."
5. What can we expect from your live show?
Everett: "Music to bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened of Powderfinger fans."
Ed: "I told True I'm not playing a single show till we sort out money. He's trying to claim the songs as his own but I’ve written most of the melodies and lyrics [this is a bare-faced lie - Ed]. He's gone and booked three shows behind my back. I'm not ruining my career for free. I've told him I'll need $500 a show and a large rider. He either hangs the phone up, or locks himself in the bathroom and cries about how famous he was and all the bands he's played with in the past."
6. What are your plans for the rest of the year?
Everett: "Our debut album is planned as a Sarah Blasko tribute – her songs sung the way we know she really wanted them to be. Our second album will only feature musicians given a 8.3 rating, or higher, in Time Off. We are already taking applications for groupies."
Ed: "I'm being evicted. I haven’t made rent the last few weeks and the people in the apartment below have been complaining about the noise when we make when we make out, argue and rehearse. Also True hangs outside the complex after each rehearsal begging for change for the bus home to The Gap. So I plan on living in a box and regretting the nail in the coffin of my career."
Maggie: "Who said you were all invited?"
The Thin Kids play the Troubadour, February 24 with The Lonely Sea And The Sky and Velociraptor, $7 door
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